Funny Quotes

Practice makes a man perfect... - But nobody's perfect..... . So why practice?
 
Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa.
 
One should love animals. - They are so tasty.
 
Save water. - Shower with your girl friend.
 
Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught.

 

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
 
Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
 
The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.
 
Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives.
 
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
 
Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop
 
Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children
 
"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep
 
There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning
 
"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !
 
"Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!
 
God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.
 
When two's company, - three's the result!
 
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know - So... Why learn.
 
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.... What more can I say........

 

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Men-Men are better friends!

Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment overnight.
The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.

Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment overnight.
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!

Conclusion:
Isn't that shows: Men are better friends!

Brilliant ways girls turn guys down!!

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours! 
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like 
Yours!! 


HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? 
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!! 

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? 
SHE: I must have been given your share!!! 

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday? 
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!! 

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out! 
SHE: Okay, get out!!! 

HE: I think I could make you very happy 
SHE: Why? Are you leaving? 

HE: What would you say if I asked U to marry me? 
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!! 

HE: Can I have your name? 
SHE: Why, don't you already have one? 

HE: Shall we go and see a film? 
SHE: I've already seen it!!! 

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together? 
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!! 

HE: Where have you been all my life? 
SHE: Hiding from you. 

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before? 
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. 

HE: Is this seat empty? 
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .

Heights of Heights!!

1. What is height of Fashion?

Dhoti with a zip

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2. What is height of Secrecy?

Offering blank visiting cards. 

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3. What is height of Activelaziness?

Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

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5. What is height of Craziness?

Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

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6. What is height of Forgetfulness?

Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last. 

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7. What is height of Stupidity? 

A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

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8. What is height of Honesty?

A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

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9. What is height of Suicide?

A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road. 

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10. What is height of De-hydration?

A cow giving milk powder.

Professor's Question

It was professor smith's first day at st. Johns medical college as a faculty.

Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro.

To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class.

He said, "Well students, before we start off with today's lecture, let me ask you a simple question on human anatomy". 


He gazed across the classroom, spotted a female student Suzie, and said, "Tell me Suzie, which part of the human body grows 10 times its original size when excited?"


Hearing this question, Suzie's face grew pale in embarrassment, she replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female.
I am sorry, but I can't answer your, this question".

Thwarted by the girl's reply, professor smith rolled on his sight around the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who could satisfy his query.

This time he located a male student Henry, who had already raised his hand in affirmation to answer the question, and allowed the lad to go ahead. 

Henry answered: "pupil of a human eye" The professor applauded for the boy's accurate answer; then turned back to Suzie and said:

"Look, Suzie, I am sorry but, I must tell you a couple of things: 

(1) You lack knowledge

(2) You have a dirty mind and
 
 
 
This is the best one………
 
 
(3) Your Expectations are too high!!!!!!!
(10 times....... .huh..... .MY GOD!!)